My Fit Journey

It’s 10:57 pm . For the first time I feel total hand over to God at this point. It took 3 years to get here didn’t it. There were parts I was holding back from God like here you go Jesus you can control this but Im holding on to this , sometimes things can anchor you down from the freedom God has for you I don’t know how to teach other people this but I know God wants me to. I had a dream of the love of my life and I would’ve been damned to let that go. I almost died holding on to it. We have things right , things we can’t let go , can’t forgive , or things we hope in . But it’s that twist in fate God wanted me to realize . When we hope in something of the world it will sink us because people will fail us. My hope needed to be in God. Not my love of my life or anything of this world. I got to tell you it was the hardest thing ever to take the thing I loved the most and say here God it’s yours it’s no longer mine . Because you see if something is of God , God will bring it back . ...

It’s funny it’s 10:44 my phone is about to die . As I walked my dog here at my new place in Canyon Lake I began to cry . I thought why am I crying what is wrong with me ? I realized in quarantine there is no work , no escape , no gym . We are left alone with all our emotions to face that we hide from . I was hurting still from my ex there we were together still on my path. Would I ever be able to date again ? I didn’t think so. I prayed for total healing of my heart . I always imagined us getting married in a forest . I didn’t know why but it haunts me . But that’s ok . This is Gods Journey now . Excersise has to do with emotions to . I’m now lifting again , running again , finding myself and I’ve been reborn with a new joy. A new faith to a future I know God has in store and that’s all I know right now . I’m learning to be ok with that to be happy . Jesus is teaching me and joy is growing like a new root in my spirit . So to a new journey of the soul . Amen