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The Turn Over

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It’s 10:57 pm . For the first time I feel total hand over to God at this point. It took 3 years to get here didn’t it. There were parts I was holding back from God like here you go Jesus you can control this but Im holding on to this , sometimes things can anchor you down from the freedom God has for you
I don’t know how to teach other people this but I know God wants me to. I had a dream of the love of my life and I would’ve been damned to let that go. I almost died holding on to it. We have things right , things we can’t let go , can’t forgive , or things we hope in . But it’s that twist in fate God wanted me to realize . When we hope in something of the world it will sink us because people will fail us. My hope needed to be in God. Not my love of my life or anything of this world. I got to tell you it was the hardest thing ever to take the thing I loved the most and say here God it’s yours it’s no longer mine . Because you see if something is of God , God will bring it back . Gods love is not hurtful or confusing . That is the love I deserve for myself . Even if it means waiting and letting God love me and heal me . I don’t know what Gods plan is but trusting him means he knows what’s best for me and Raigan . Emotional healing is important . You bear new roots and the old ones die.

It’s like God saved this damsel in distress . My ex couldn’t save me he couldn’t even save himself but yet I do pray every day he finds in God what I found .

I’m called to this single life of healing . And some how I need to do what God intended me to do teach the broken and love them .

I do hope to get married someday before I’m old and wrinkly but I’m learning that Gods timing is perfect what ever it is . And for now I’m learning , trusting and sucking it all in and most of all loving myself and my daughter .

Amen

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