Skip to main content

The Turn Over

By



It’s 10:57 pm . For the first time I feel total hand over to God at this point. It took 3 years to get here didn’t it. There were parts I was holding back from God like here you go Jesus you can control this but Im holding on to this , sometimes things can anchor you down from the freedom God has for you
I don’t know how to teach other people this but I know God wants me to. I had a dream of the love of my life and I would’ve been damned to let that go. I almost died holding on to it. We have things right , things we can’t let go , can’t forgive , or things we hope in . But it’s that twist in fate God wanted me to realize . When we hope in something of the world it will sink us because people will fail us. My hope needed to be in God. Not my love of my life or anything of this world. I got to tell you it was the hardest thing ever to take the thing I loved the most and say here God it’s yours it’s no longer mine . Because you see if something is of God , God will bring it back . Gods love is not hurtful or confusing . That is the love I deserve for myself . Even if it means waiting and letting God love me and heal me . I don’t know what Gods plan is but trusting him means he knows what’s best for me and Raigan . Emotional healing is important . You bear new roots and the old ones die.

It’s like God saved this damsel in distress . My ex couldn’t save me he couldn’t even save himself but yet I do pray every day he finds in God what I found .

I’m called to this single life of healing . And some how I need to do what God intended me to do teach the broken and love them .

I do hope to get married someday before I’m old and wrinkly but I’m learning that Gods timing is perfect what ever it is . And for now I’m learning , trusting and sucking it all in and most of all loving myself and my daughter .

Amen

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Don’t Forget It’s Your Destiny

By
The most important thing to remember in any goal is why your doing it. Because there will be days your tired or want to give up. If you don’t have a clear picture of the finish line you can’t succeed. So the biggest enemy you will find is your own friends. My best and closest friends are the ones who tell me, “Amy, your going to the gym to much, you don’t eat enough, you looked better before or the best one is I can’t tell a difference or you are to thin,” trust me when I’m to thin I’ll stop. My point is I don’t give a rats ass what they think I never started my goal with pleasing them. Am I right? I started to love me. To walk in a room and see a pretty girl and think she’s pretty too not I’m not as good as her. Maybe I’m not, maybe I am but none of that is the point. The point is I worked hard to accomplish my physical and emotional goals, I know my value I know what I bring to the table I don’t need to cowar or feel small to anyone. So these are my goals, I do what is good for me no...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Sacrifice

By
The old saying goes the catipiilar has to die to himself to get his wings. Does he know when he falls asleep in his small cacoon he will wake up even more beautiful then before. Outside beauty means nothing it’s becoming who we were meant to be and not caring what others think in the process. You know what’s best for you. I knew I needed help I knew I needed healing in healing I found myself. In that I found a voice that was buried under pain. I’m glad I am true to myself. True to God.
Post a Comment
Read more

Aches

By
It’s a dull ache at the pit of my stomach. It’s a road you clearly cut but it ended abruptly and I’m pretty sure the pain will always be there like a wound that never quite heals right. It like a flash back to us holding hands in the hard moments knowing we will never let each other go. But I sit here now with only those memories and some how you died in them or you let me go . I don’t know how to make it stop but to keep making goals and following God’s will. Because the man for me would be following God’s will as well. I don’t know what’s in store for me at 40 but I have my new goals for 2019 and I know he isn’t part of it. I listen to a bible study on the way to work about when it’s time to date again it says to follow God’s will and God wants us to date to marry not to date to date . I wanted to marry Jerry. He isn’t here now I’m not dating til God says so. I know Gods voice he’s been holding my hand this whole time . So here is to 2019 to my final weight loss and moving and...
Post a Comment
Read more