Skip to main content

Conversations

By
When you love someone you don’t know how to live with out them.  That is a fact but also love is not made of pain and confusion so even if we can’t live with out them we have to. Because God’s will of love is not pain and confusion it’s not destruction . Have you heard of ambiguous loss? It’s a loss someone goes through when they lose someone to addiction or some mental disorders or some sort of loss where it’s of the mind . This loss is worse then a death because there is never closure. It’s always turbulent and lost . Look up ambiguous loss . It made me feel better in my grieving. I also God is in control of my future. He knows what’s best for me . It’s weird I feel the most beautiful I ever have right now I did it for my ex . He didn’t want me. Now I’m alone all I want right now is to be as close to Jesus as possible. No matter how my looks change it can’t make my heart feel better only God can . I just want to read the Bible and know every truth . And just fofill what he wants for me and feel and know his joy . I don’t want anything else right now . Last New Years I was with my ex praying we would get through rehab I thought this year we would be living together getting married .

Life is cold and heart breaking it’s earth shattering . I laid my dog to rest this year also. I can’t imagine a harder year . Jesus heal me 2019. Bless our move and my transfer to San Diego and anyone who reads this pray for me and Raigan. We need all the love and healing we can get and as people party and hook up tonight I’m home praying for the new year .


May God be with us .

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cheating and Science

By
I wasn’t going to do measurements or weight until Friday but as I undressed to take a shower my waist looked so much smaller. So this is my fit blog so let me digress a year ago I wanted to lose weight fast I was tired of hating myself I wanted to feel better and be a better girl friend for my then boyfriend. I hated being insecure. So I did a liquid diet and cut my carbs. My weight dropped quickly It was hard as hell but I was determined ! Within a few months I probably dropped 20 pounds I was feeling better about myself . I knew I needed to switch up my diet or I would gain it back I’ve been in the industry long enough to know my body and how to ruin it. I slowly added a meal to my diet and I mean one piece of chicken or fish . As I started at the gym I added carbs . I still was losing weight I began flexible dieting . I began to count calories . My weight was coming off not as fast but I was doing it the right way . I was ok with that . This past month my body plateau after a year ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Playing Out Your Childhood

By
Is he cold or not loving he is playing out childhood wounds he has not gotten help for ? And we put up with it because we were mistreated as children looking for some kind of love? I know I was with an unavailable emotional person. Have you?Here is the answers you need !  Why You’re Still Attracting Unavailable Partners (And How To Stop) By Shelly Bullard Photo: Stocksy This post is part of a series by Shelly Bullard  — a primer on raising your vibration and attracting your soul mate. For the next five days, we’ll post one article offering the foundational elements you need to go deeper in the search for self love, and the love of your life. When you’re ready to take the next step, check out Shelly’s course:   How To Attract A Partner Who’s Ready For Deep, Devoted Love . One of the most common relationship issues is getting stuck in a pattern of choosing unavailable partners. How do you know if that applies to you? If you're attract...
Post a Comment
Read more

2018

By
As I started this journey as I wrote in my first blog post “ The Beginning “ to better myself for myself and then my partner whom I knew I was going to marry this year had so many shifts it happened so fast like a torent storm. I watched the love of my life leave me and for someone else. I saw him through the face of addiction as he begged me to hold on and he abandoned me over and over as my heart slowly became unrecognizable. I became a weak woman who was once strong . I gave him yet another forgiving chance for him to leave again in a numb sweaty picture of addiction leaving me once again cold and empty . I sit here knowing my value in God and as a woman. I thought was it me how did I not measure up ? But my self love came through this time.Isnt that what this journey was about ? It does not matter how many pounds I still need to lose or where my path is going I deserve love. To have my hand held to not be ignored and to have joy. Walk away from situations that are toxic. I started ...
Post a Comment
Read more