Skip to main content

Conversations

By
When you love someone you don’t know how to live with out them.  That is a fact but also love is not made of pain and confusion so even if we can’t live with out them we have to. Because God’s will of love is not pain and confusion it’s not destruction . Have you heard of ambiguous loss? It’s a loss someone goes through when they lose someone to addiction or some mental disorders or some sort of loss where it’s of the mind . This loss is worse then a death because there is never closure. It’s always turbulent and lost . Look up ambiguous loss . It made me feel better in my grieving. I also God is in control of my future. He knows what’s best for me . It’s weird I feel the most beautiful I ever have right now I did it for my ex . He didn’t want me. Now I’m alone all I want right now is to be as close to Jesus as possible. No matter how my looks change it can’t make my heart feel better only God can . I just want to read the Bible and know every truth . And just fofill what he wants for me and feel and know his joy . I don’t want anything else right now . Last New Years I was with my ex praying we would get through rehab I thought this year we would be living together getting married .

Life is cold and heart breaking it’s earth shattering . I laid my dog to rest this year also. I can’t imagine a harder year . Jesus heal me 2019. Bless our move and my transfer to San Diego and anyone who reads this pray for me and Raigan. We need all the love and healing we can get and as people party and hook up tonight I’m home praying for the new year .


May God be with us .

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Identity

By
Yes it’s scientific you can die from a broken heart . Did you know we store emotions in our muscles and bones ? Not only is this scientifically true it’s also in the Bible. I remember when I was training for a fitness competition the harder I worked with my trainer I would cry sometimes not due to physical pain but the emotional pain buried that was physically being worked out . That’s why it’s good to excersise interesting right ? Last night I had an awful seizure all I can say is if you can imagine feeling the worst over dose this is how my seizure felt . Will I always survive them? I think stress has a lot to do with it . A man at my work told me , Amy I’ve never met a more beautiful cool Kind hearted woman that so many bad things happen to you makes no sense . It makes no sense to me . I get hit on like crazy but the one man I loved could careless I was alive. This began to effect me last night as it does many days . I can’t make sense of this persons crazy actions it haunts me th...
Post a Comment
Read more

A Letter To God

By
Dear God. I don’t know how to begin to thank you for leading me out of the darkness and despair I was in I was broken in places I thought you couldn’t even reach. I thought the pain I bore was to deep to heal or escape and what others had done could never be erased. I thought joy was a fairy tale you read in books or fake people in churches. But I learned seeking and trusting you those people aren’t fake at all they just knew how to let go and let God. You see God I held on to baggage tight because I thought I needed it even though it caused me to sink. But you Lord taught me to place it in your hands and you would work it for good for me. This was the hardest part of all. But in the darkest hours you taught me a blind man can see. I followed the light of faith and now I have direction! I know now my value in Christ and my identity. When people try to lie or take advantage of me I know to trust you and walk away . I also know to get rid of anything that is not of you and cling on o...
Post a Comment
Read more

Cheating and Science

By
I wasn’t going to do measurements or weight until Friday but as I undressed to take a shower my waist looked so much smaller. So this is my fit blog so let me digress a year ago I wanted to lose weight fast I was tired of hating myself I wanted to feel better and be a better girl friend for my then boyfriend. I hated being insecure. So I did a liquid diet and cut my carbs. My weight dropped quickly It was hard as hell but I was determined ! Within a few months I probably dropped 20 pounds I was feeling better about myself . I knew I needed to switch up my diet or I would gain it back I’ve been in the industry long enough to know my body and how to ruin it. I slowly added a meal to my diet and I mean one piece of chicken or fish . As I started at the gym I added carbs . I still was losing weight I began flexible dieting . I began to count calories . My weight was coming off not as fast but I was doing it the right way . I was ok with that . This past month my body plateau after a year ...
Post a Comment
Read more