Last year I was proud of my body now Im back to lights out when I get ready
again. I feel like all my hard work went out the window for nothing all because
of this quarantine I feel sad and depressed like I'll never get it back this
isn't like me I always have the perseverance to have a new goal but I was going
somewhere now I feel like I'm starting almost all over again. I put on my shirt
that I've worn for years that I used to swim in now is almost too tight, for an
interview yesrtday almost brought me to tears . I signed back up with my trainer
and started back at the gym its now open . Being out of the gym 3 months its
hard now im weak and slow i used to be fast and strong and efficiant.I feel like
I failed myself. People say who cares , I care! I was deticated and I worked
hard. So here I am starting from scratch. on the record it sucks .
I missed the gym today Raigan is home sick with a high fever so I’m In double for tomorrow. I have 14 days to reach my goal 125-127 pounds I made this goal because this year has been the most painful of years in my existence. I knew instead of giving into my depression and bettering myself that I would be so proud of myself and my strength the healing process has been long and hard and very lonely. But it’s a path I had to go on and I hear and feel God’s presence every day. It’s the only reason I’m not in a ball curled up crying. I’m praying to God for some kind of Christmas miracle. I don’t know what but after all the tragedy I just need joy. But I know all he’s done brings joy also. I just pray for a real miracle. In 2019 I want to move. My weight will be where I need it, my heart healed and my relationship with God is great I just want to be settled down and married. To have someone who truly loves me and loves and cares for my heart. I’ve never had anyone love me this way. I’...
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