Second session with my trainer today . He worked me so hard mixed with me being tired from work I did laundry and gym and have not left my bed today. It feels good. I can’t wait til Friday! I get paid -hair , nails , tan . It’s the small things in life . I like my trainer. As a trainer he is mentally good for me right now . I find him to be a good friend . He teaches me not to compare myself to others , to accept myself as I am now. My struggle has been just looking at myself in the mirror . I definitely don’t need anyone just to make me “ feel “ good not what I’m saying . But I need to be accepting of who I am now and who I’m becoming . This journey is all mental . I used to cry every morning and every night due to the losses this year. I poured my pain into the gym to try to make me a better me . To not let it get the best of me . Even though I’m strong at the same time I’m still weak,I have to be so careful of who I let into my world.I won’t ever be a victim to anyone . Life is a journey right . Your circle needs to be positive and strong .
Keep fighting .
My heart you see something is wrong with it and after several stays in the hospital, many near death experiences, doctors telling me I need surgery all they can tell me is my heart beats to fast sometimes and it pumps blood wrong. I carry pills every where I go Incase it beats to fast. I cut my sugar, my carbs, but it’s not enough. Running has been the one thing that has kept my heart rate low. I self conditioned my heart and taught it to beat at certain rate as I run. But if I miss running for just a mere few days my heart is back up again. Sometimes I wonder if my days are numbered if I will live to see my daughter grow. I pray I do. But God has kept me alive through great tragedies so far. I trust him with my life. Watching and training my heart in this fitness blog I can tell you to believe me when I say running is a life saver. Start walking. I trained my heart by running 2 minutes walking 2 minutes now I run no problem a half hour at a steady heart rate of 150. My heart doctor sa...

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