Not Just Sessions

Second session with my trainer today . He worked me so hard mixed with me being tired from work I did laundry and gym and have not left my bed today. It feels good. I can’t wait til Friday! I get paid -hair , nails , tan . It’s the small things in life . I like my trainer. As a trainer he is mentally good for me right now . I find him to be a good friend . He teaches me not to compare myself to others , to accept myself as I am now. My struggle has been just looking at myself in the mirror . I definitely don’t need anyone just to make me “ feel “ good not what I’m saying . But I need to be accepting of who I am now and who I’m becoming . This journey is all mental . I used to cry every morning and every night due to the losses this year. I poured my pain into the gym to try to make me a better me . To not let it get the best of me . Even though I’m strong at the same time I’m still weak,I have to be so careful of who I let into my world.I won’t ever be a victim to anyone . Life is a journey right . Your circle needs to be positive and strong . Keep fighting .

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Identity

Yes it’s scientific you can die from a broken heart . Did you know we store emotions in our muscles and bones ? Not only is this scientifically true it’s also in the Bible. I remember when I was training for a fitness competition the harder I worked with my trainer I would cry sometimes not due to physical pain but the emotional pain buried that was physically being worked out . That’s why it’s good to excersise interesting right ? Last night I had an awful seizure all I can say is if you can imagine feeling the worst over dose this is how my seizure felt . Will I always survive them? I think stress has a lot to do with it . A man at my work told me , Amy I’ve never met a more beautiful cool Kind hearted woman that so many bad things happen to you makes no sense . It makes no sense to me . I get hit on like crazy but the one man I loved could careless I was alive. This began to effect me last night as it does many days . I can’t make sense of this persons crazy actions it haunts me th...

Cheating and Science

I wasn’t going to do measurements or weight until Friday but as I undressed to take a shower my waist looked so much smaller. So this is my fit blog so let me digress a year ago I wanted to lose weight fast I was tired of hating myself I wanted to feel better and be a better girl friend for my then boyfriend. I hated being insecure. So I did a liquid diet and cut my carbs. My weight dropped quickly It was hard as hell but I was determined ! Within a few months I probably dropped 20 pounds I was feeling better about myself . I knew I needed to switch up my diet or I would gain it back I’ve been in the industry long enough to know my body and how to ruin it. I slowly added a meal to my diet and I mean one piece of chicken or fish . As I started at the gym I added carbs . I still was losing weight I began flexible dieting . I began to count calories . My weight was coming off not as fast but I was doing it the right way . I was ok with that . This past month my body plateau after a year ...

A Letter To God

Dear God. I don’t know how to begin to thank you for leading me out of the darkness and despair I was in I was broken in places I thought you couldn’t even reach. I thought the pain I bore was to deep to heal or escape and what others had done could never be erased. I thought joy was a fairy tale you read in books or fake people in churches. But I learned seeking and trusting you those people aren’t fake at all they just knew how to let go and let God. You see God I held on to baggage tight because I thought I needed it even though it caused me to sink. But you Lord taught me to place it in your hands and you would work it for good for me. This was the hardest part of all. But in the darkest hours you taught me a blind man can see. I followed the light of faith and now I have direction! I know now my value in Christ and my identity. When people try to lie or take advantage of me I know to trust you and walk away . I also know to get rid of anything that is not of you and cling on o...

My Fit Journey

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