Not Just Sessions

Second session with my trainer today . He worked me so hard mixed with me being tired from work I did laundry and gym and have not left my bed today. It feels good. I can’t wait til Friday! I get paid -hair , nails , tan . It’s the small things in life . I like my trainer. As a trainer he is mentally good for me right now . I find him to be a good friend . He teaches me not to compare myself to others , to accept myself as I am now. My struggle has been just looking at myself in the mirror . I definitely don’t need anyone just to make me “ feel “ good not what I’m saying . But I need to be accepting of who I am now and who I’m becoming . This journey is all mental . I used to cry every morning and every night due to the losses this year. I poured my pain into the gym to try to make me a better me . To not let it get the best of me . Even though I’m strong at the same time I’m still weak,I have to be so careful of who I let into my world.I won’t ever be a victim to anyone . Life is a journey right . Your circle needs to be positive and strong . Keep fighting .

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Cheating and Science

I wasn’t going to do measurements or weight until Friday but as I undressed to take a shower my waist looked so much smaller. So this is my fit blog so let me digress a year ago I wanted to lose weight fast I was tired of hating myself I wanted to feel better and be a better girl friend for my then boyfriend. I hated being insecure. So I did a liquid diet and cut my carbs. My weight dropped quickly It was hard as hell but I was determined ! Within a few months I probably dropped 20 pounds I was feeling better about myself . I knew I needed to switch up my diet or I would gain it back I’ve been in the industry long enough to know my body and how to ruin it. I slowly added a meal to my diet and I mean one piece of chicken or fish . As I started at the gym I added carbs . I still was losing weight I began flexible dieting . I began to count calories . My weight was coming off not as fast but I was doing it the right way . I was ok with that . This past month my body plateau after a year ...

The Heart Of The Matter

My heart you see something is wrong with it and after several stays in the hospital, many near death experiences, doctors telling me I need surgery all they can tell me is my heart beats to fast sometimes and it pumps blood wrong. I carry pills every where I go Incase it beats to fast. I cut my sugar, my carbs, but it’s not enough. Running has been the one thing that has kept my heart rate low. I self conditioned my heart and taught it to beat at certain rate as I run. But if I miss running for just a mere few days my heart is back up again. Sometimes I wonder if my days are numbered if I will live to see my daughter grow. I pray I do. But God has kept me alive through great tragedies so far. I trust him with my life. Watching and training my heart in this fitness blog I can tell you to believe me when I say running is a life saver. Start walking. I trained my heart by running 2 minutes walking 2 minutes now I run no problem a half hour at a steady heart rate of 150. My heart doctor sa...

Identity

Yes it’s scientific you can die from a broken heart . Did you know we store emotions in our muscles and bones ? Not only is this scientifically true it’s also in the Bible. I remember when I was training for a fitness competition the harder I worked with my trainer I would cry sometimes not due to physical pain but the emotional pain buried that was physically being worked out . That’s why it’s good to excersise interesting right ? Last night I had an awful seizure all I can say is if you can imagine feeling the worst over dose this is how my seizure felt . Will I always survive them? I think stress has a lot to do with it . A man at my work told me , Amy I’ve never met a more beautiful cool Kind hearted woman that so many bad things happen to you makes no sense . It makes no sense to me . I get hit on like crazy but the one man I loved could careless I was alive. This began to effect me last night as it does many days . I can’t make sense of this persons crazy actions it haunts me th...

My Fit Journey

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