Skip to main content

Aches

By
It’s a dull ache at the pit of my stomach. It’s a road you clearly cut but it ended abruptly and I’m pretty sure the pain will always be there like a wound that never quite heals right. It like a flash back to us holding hands in the hard moments knowing we will never let each other go. But I sit here now with only those memories and some how you died in them or you let me go .

I don’t know how to make it stop but to keep making goals and following God’s will. Because the man for me would be following God’s will as well. I don’t know what’s in store for me at 40 but I have my new goals for 2019 and I know he isn’t part of it.

I listen to a bible study on the way to work about when it’s time to date again it says to follow God’s will and God wants us to date to marry not to date to date . I wanted to marry Jerry. He isn’t here now
I’m not dating til God says so. I know Gods voice he’s been holding my hand this whole time .

So here is to 2019 to my final weight loss and moving and new adventures.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Miracle

By
I missed the gym today Raigan is home sick with a high fever so I’m In double for tomorrow. I have 14 days to reach my goal 125-127 pounds I made this goal because this year has been the most painful of years in my existence. I knew instead of giving into my depression and bettering myself that I would be so proud of myself and my strength the healing process has been long and hard and very lonely. But it’s a path I had to go on and I hear and feel God’s presence every day. It’s the only reason I’m not in a ball curled up crying. I’m praying to God for some kind of Christmas miracle. I don’t know what but after all the tragedy I just need joy. But I know all he’s done brings joy also. I just pray for a real miracle. In 2019 I want to move. My weight will be where I need it, my heart healed and my relationship with God is great I just want to be settled down and married. To have someone who truly loves me and loves and cares for my heart. I’ve never had anyone love me this way. I’...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Beginning

By
This is the beginning of my new blog . The ending of 2018. I started this journey to be healthy to be better for me and a better person for my boyfriend at the time. Being better for your partner is a great thing but my relationship was toxic. My journey to health has not only been a mental one but physical as well. I’m hoping to help others in my shoes. Losing my boyfriend was a great loss. But in the losing I have found healing and strength. Even though the relationship was not healthy I prayed it could change . As it grew worse I realized the healthiest thing for me was to walk away. This was not easy, so I put my focus , sadness and everything I had into self love and the gym. No dating - just self healing. I need to heal . My goal is to get to a weight and build a body better then I ever have before! In this I will move forward in finding a new love for myself. God has been my biggest source of strength in pain . On ward to this journey, excited for my new fit Instagram !
Post a Comment
Read more

The Heart Of The Matter

By
My heart you see something is wrong with it and after several stays in the hospital, many near death experiences, doctors telling me I need surgery all they can tell me is my heart beats to fast sometimes and it pumps blood wrong. I carry pills every where I go Incase it beats to fast. I cut my sugar, my carbs, but it’s not enough. Running has been the one thing that has kept my heart rate low. I self conditioned my heart and taught it to beat at certain rate as I run. But if I miss running for just a mere few days my heart is back up again. Sometimes I wonder if my days are numbered if I will live to see my daughter grow. I pray I do. But God has kept me alive through great tragedies so far. I trust him with my life. Watching and training my heart in this fitness blog I can tell you to believe me when I say running is a life saver. Start walking. I trained my heart by running 2 minutes walking 2 minutes now I run no problem a half hour at a steady heart rate of 150. My heart doctor sa...
Post a Comment
Read more