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Aches

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It’s a dull ache at the pit of my stomach. It’s a road you clearly cut but it ended abruptly and I’m pretty sure the pain will always be there like a wound that never quite heals right. It like a flash back to us holding hands in the hard moments knowing we will never let each other go. But I sit here now with only those memories and some how you died in them or you let me go .

I don’t know how to make it stop but to keep making goals and following God’s will. Because the man for me would be following God’s will as well. I don’t know what’s in store for me at 40 but I have my new goals for 2019 and I know he isn’t part of it.

I listen to a bible study on the way to work about when it’s time to date again it says to follow God’s will and God wants us to date to marry not to date to date . I wanted to marry Jerry. He isn’t here now
I’m not dating til God says so. I know Gods voice he’s been holding my hand this whole time .

So here is to 2019 to my final weight loss and moving and new adventures.

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