My Fit Journey

It’s 10:57 pm . For the first time I feel total hand over to God at this point. It took 3 years to get here didn’t it. There were parts I was holding back from God like here you go Jesus you can control this but Im holding on to this , sometimes things can anchor you down from the freedom God has for you I don’t know how to teach other people this but I know God wants me to. I had a dream of the love of my life and I would’ve been damned to let that go. I almost died holding on to it. We have things right , things we can’t let go , can’t forgive , or things we hope in . But it’s that twist in fate God wanted me to realize . When we hope in something of the world it will sink us because people will fail us. My hope needed to be in God. Not my love of my life or anything of this world. I got to tell you it was the hardest thing ever to take the thing I loved the most and say here God it’s yours it’s no longer mine . Because you see if something is of God , God will bring it back . ...

It’s funny it’s 10:44 my phone is about to die . As I walked my dog here at my new place in Canyon Lake I began to cry . I thought why am I crying what is wrong with me ? I realized in quarantine there is no work , no escape , no gym . We are left alone with all our emotions to face that we hide from . I was hurting still from my ex there we were together still on my path. Would I ever be able to date again ? I didn’t think so. I prayed for total healing of my heart . I always imagined us getting married in a forest . I didn’t know why but it haunts me . But that’s ok . This is Gods Journey now . Excersise has to do with emotions to . I’m now lifting again , running again , finding myself and I’ve been reborn with a new joy. A new faith to a future I know God has in store and that’s all I know right now . I’m learning to be ok with that to be happy . Jesus is teaching me and joy is growing like a new root in my spirit . So to a new journey of the soul . Amen

Today is first day of quarantine I’m pretty positive I had this thing in December I almost died it was so bad I have not been in a gym in two months and I’ve been getting depressed . I was so addicted to gym I was going three times a day but I think it hurt me not helped me . Now I’m starting back running again exc . It’s time . This break isn’t me . It’s ruining me emotionally . Now we’re stuck inside but it’s a good time to follow my diet and run every day

I have a trainer I’m lifting 6 days a week my goal is to have my waist at 27 by January and my thighs at 20. I will fight for this goal run for this goal . I will win for this goal and fight like I never have before be fitter then I ever have :

I’m listening to Swing Life Away by Rise Against. I decided to insert a blog post in my fit journey. The journey it’s self has nothing to do with fitness to me. It’s about beating out your enemy your own mind . I worked hard to get this far and I’m building value within myself. The crowd says Amy I don’t see a difference, Amy your fat, Amy your legs are chubby, Amy your a project. It’s funny when your building yourself up there is a crowd tearing you down. But guess what I look at my progress pics and I’m proud of how far I’ve come and I don’t give one damn about the haters the gossipers, it’s almost funny when people are so mean it’s sad. I’m here to say if I can be the girl who turned the lights out to not look into the mirror a girl who hated herself who found the courage to over come my Demons and know I’m ok not because the crowd says I do or don’t but because I say so . Not to mention God says so ! I am a healthier braver person. You can do it to - picture before and after l...

I remember last year I did whatever it took to cover my body up and now I don’t care what I wear but I still feel the same fat ha ha I guess I’m never happy but that’s what keeps me going and that’s just me I realize that’s what separates me from most people I’m a beast and maybe I’m not at my max goal but at least I never give up and at least I never ever give up on myself and I am true to my word how many people do you know like this ? I’m loyal to everyone and to myself . I’m a special person and I will only allow special people in my life I’m tigers blood I’m rare and I’m God’s child . Amen

Yes it’s scientific you can die from a broken heart . Did you know we store emotions in our muscles and bones ? Not only is this scientifically true it’s also in the Bible. I remember when I was training for a fitness competition the harder I worked with my trainer I would cry sometimes not due to physical pain but the emotional pain buried that was physically being worked out . That’s why it’s good to excersise interesting right ? Last night I had an awful seizure all I can say is if you can imagine feeling the worst over dose this is how my seizure felt . Will I always survive them? I think stress has a lot to do with it . A man at my work told me , Amy I’ve never met a more beautiful cool Kind hearted woman that so many bad things happen to you makes no sense . It makes no sense to me . I get hit on like crazy but the one man I loved could careless I was alive. This began to effect me last night as it does many days . I can’t make sense of this persons crazy actions it haunts me th...