My Fit Journey

 I’m tired it’s 84 degrees , I do not want to go to the gym . I’m ready to go armed in sports bra and work out gear . I was looking at my pictures from just last year to my picture now , how did I let myself go . I was so skiing so happy . I am now very happy with my life but not my body . I’m not stopping until I get back to my old self you can see me last year in this picture holding the weight and now holding it in my thighs. I feel brave posting this . But how else will I stay accountable .  So here the new journey begins .

 My diet consist of this is in no order and not all in one day but what I eat in 75 hard :  Atkins protein Drink  Keto os  Pineapple  Greek yogurt or protein yogurt  Almonds  Pistachios  Lean protein : chicken , fish  Salad  Water  Coffee  Tea  Berries  Occasional puffing sugar free sweet tooth  Keto chips 4 carbs  Eggs  Frozen berries  All veggies !  Minimal rice .  That’s it !!!! 

 A little over a year ago I had a 6 pack . I never was so proud of myself . I started an amazing new job and began to put myself last including the gym . I started 75 day hard to get myself back to me again .  I just am ending week 1. The Only hard part is finding time so now for week two I need to readjust to make time a priority in order to make myself a priority I’m going to keep this journal to inspire others in their fitness journey as well I will also put up before and after pictures. Thank you for the support . My 6 pack I’m giving until November 1. Which requires a lot of discipline. But I know what it takes and I know I can do this. 

Last year I was proud of my body now Im back to lights out when I get ready again. I feel like all my hard work went out the window for nothing all because of this quarantine I feel sad and depressed like I'll never get it back this isn't like me I always have the perseverance to have a new goal but I was going somewhere now I feel like I'm starting almost all over again. I put on my shirt that I've worn for years that I used to swim in now is almost too tight, for an interview yesrtday almost brought me to tears . I signed back up with my trainer and started back at the gym its now open . Being out of the gym 3 months its hard now im weak and slow i used to be fast and strong and efficiant.I feel like I failed myself. People say who cares , I care! I was deticated and I worked hard. So here I am starting from scratch. on the record it sucks .

What will this year bring. I will spend one day in the mountains for my birthday I deserve that. To get away one day , it’s not much but it’s enough. Isolated , and thinking about nothing but my blessings. This year since quarantine I’ve gotten to focus on my health . Fix my back , get surgery on my wisdom teeth , fix a cancerous mole, all serious health issues during a health crisis might as well address while I have time. I’ve also done emotional health, got rid of people in my life who did not have my best interest at heart only their own. This is huge for me. I feel lighter stronger and better . It’s like cleaning out an old closet . Now to lose quarantine weight gain  signed up for 5 week program with Tristan and I’m really finding joy with God. I trust God for my health , with my daughter , my son . In the midst of great storms all we can do is trust in God. And find joy in the present . I prayed every day for joy I used to be so deeply sad in disappointments of life...

It’s 10:57 pm . For the first time I feel total hand over to God at this point. It took 3 years to get here didn’t it. There were parts I was holding back from God like here you go Jesus you can control this but Im holding on to this , sometimes things can anchor you down from the freedom God has for you I don’t know how to teach other people this but I know God wants me to. I had a dream of the love of my life and I would’ve been damned to let that go. I almost died holding on to it. We have things right , things we can’t let go , can’t forgive , or things we hope in . But it’s that twist in fate God wanted me to realize . When we hope in something of the world it will sink us because people will fail us. My hope needed to be in God. Not my love of my life or anything of this world. I got to tell you it was the hardest thing ever to take the thing I loved the most and say here God it’s yours it’s no longer mine . Because you see if something is of God , God will bring it back . ...

It’s funny it’s 10:44 my phone is about to die . As I walked my dog here at my new place in Canyon Lake I began to cry . I thought why am I crying what is wrong with me ? I realized in quarantine there is no work , no escape , no gym . We are left alone with all our emotions to face that we hide from . I was hurting still from my ex there we were together still on my path. Would I ever be able to date again ? I didn’t think so. I prayed for total healing of my heart . I always imagined us getting married in a forest . I didn’t know why but it haunts me . But that’s ok . This is Gods Journey now . Excersise has to do with emotions to . I’m now lifting again , running again , finding myself and I’ve been reborn with a new joy. A new faith to a future I know God has in store and that’s all I know right now . I’m learning to be ok with that to be happy . Jesus is teaching me and joy is growing like a new root in my spirit . So to a new journey of the soul . Amen