My Fit Journey

 Today as I undressed for the shower I notice a huge change in my stomach . I have been down thinking I’ve made zero progress . I’m doing my weekly measurements on the 12th so stay tuned . It’s definitely not coming as fast as it usually does for me . But I’ve given myself a 3 month goal to get into the vicinity of where I used to be . At 3 months I will re asses . Thank you for following my journey . I think the hardest part is as weird as it may sound in being single so many years I’m ready for someone to be in my life . But how does this happen I don’t know . I been alone so long I’m tired of being alone . You know. 

 Over 2 week hump . It hasn’t gotten easier but it has gotten to where I know I can’t miss . I didn’t miss before but what I mean is I can’t give up on myself  I’m to invested . I’m not even sure if I see the difference yet . But what I do know is the difference between me today and the better me last year . So I have to reach my goals . I’m not giving up , so I’m going to the gym now . 

 I bought measuring tape to keep and track measurements . I set a 3 month goal to get back to where I was last year . I’m working hard I’m extremely tired . But I will do this . Here is before and after day one to day 15 see difference in my legs so far . 

 I’m tired it’s 84 degrees , I do not want to go to the gym . I’m ready to go armed in sports bra and work out gear . I was looking at my pictures from just last year to my picture now , how did I let myself go . I was so skiing so happy . I am now very happy with my life but not my body . I’m not stopping until I get back to my old self you can see me last year in this picture holding the weight and now holding it in my thighs. I feel brave posting this . But how else will I stay accountable .  So here the new journey begins .

 My diet consist of this is in no order and not all in one day but what I eat in 75 hard :  Atkins protein Drink  Keto os  Pineapple  Greek yogurt or protein yogurt  Almonds  Pistachios  Lean protein : chicken , fish  Salad  Water  Coffee  Tea  Berries  Occasional puffing sugar free sweet tooth  Keto chips 4 carbs  Eggs  Frozen berries  All veggies !  Minimal rice .  That’s it !!!! 

 A little over a year ago I had a 6 pack . I never was so proud of myself . I started an amazing new job and began to put myself last including the gym . I started 75 day hard to get myself back to me again .  I just am ending week 1. The Only hard part is finding time so now for week two I need to readjust to make time a priority in order to make myself a priority I’m going to keep this journal to inspire others in their fitness journey as well I will also put up before and after pictures. Thank you for the support . My 6 pack I’m giving until November 1. Which requires a lot of discipline. But I know what it takes and I know I can do this. 

Last year I was proud of my body now Im back to lights out when I get ready again. I feel like all my hard work went out the window for nothing all because of this quarantine I feel sad and depressed like I'll never get it back this isn't like me I always have the perseverance to have a new goal but I was going somewhere now I feel like I'm starting almost all over again. I put on my shirt that I've worn for years that I used to swim in now is almost too tight, for an interview yesrtday almost brought me to tears . I signed back up with my trainer and started back at the gym its now open . Being out of the gym 3 months its hard now im weak and slow i used to be fast and strong and efficiant.I feel like I failed myself. People say who cares , I care! I was deticated and I worked hard. So here I am starting from scratch. on the record it sucks .

What will this year bring. I will spend one day in the mountains for my birthday I deserve that. To get away one day , it’s not much but it’s enough. Isolated , and thinking about nothing but my blessings. This year since quarantine I’ve gotten to focus on my health . Fix my back , get surgery on my wisdom teeth , fix a cancerous mole, all serious health issues during a health crisis might as well address while I have time. I’ve also done emotional health, got rid of people in my life who did not have my best interest at heart only their own. This is huge for me. I feel lighter stronger and better . It’s like cleaning out an old closet . Now to lose quarantine weight gain  signed up for 5 week program with Tristan and I’m really finding joy with God. I trust God for my health , with my daughter , my son . In the midst of great storms all we can do is trust in God. And find joy in the present . I prayed every day for joy I used to be so deeply sad in disappointments of life...

It’s 10:57 pm . For the first time I feel total hand over to God at this point. It took 3 years to get here didn’t it. There were parts I was holding back from God like here you go Jesus you can control this but Im holding on to this , sometimes things can anchor you down from the freedom God has for you I don’t know how to teach other people this but I know God wants me to. I had a dream of the love of my life and I would’ve been damned to let that go. I almost died holding on to it. We have things right , things we can’t let go , can’t forgive , or things we hope in . But it’s that twist in fate God wanted me to realize . When we hope in something of the world it will sink us because people will fail us. My hope needed to be in God. Not my love of my life or anything of this world. I got to tell you it was the hardest thing ever to take the thing I loved the most and say here God it’s yours it’s no longer mine . Because you see if something is of God , God will bring it back . ...

It’s funny it’s 10:44 my phone is about to die . As I walked my dog here at my new place in Canyon Lake I began to cry . I thought why am I crying what is wrong with me ? I realized in quarantine there is no work , no escape , no gym . We are left alone with all our emotions to face that we hide from . I was hurting still from my ex there we were together still on my path. Would I ever be able to date again ? I didn’t think so. I prayed for total healing of my heart . I always imagined us getting married in a forest . I didn’t know why but it haunts me . But that’s ok . This is Gods Journey now . Excersise has to do with emotions to . I’m now lifting again , running again , finding myself and I’ve been reborn with a new joy. A new faith to a future I know God has in store and that’s all I know right now . I’m learning to be ok with that to be happy . Jesus is teaching me and joy is growing like a new root in my spirit . So to a new journey of the soul . Amen

Today is first day of quarantine I’m pretty positive I had this thing in December I almost died it was so bad I have not been in a gym in two months and I’ve been getting depressed . I was so addicted to gym I was going three times a day but I think it hurt me not helped me . Now I’m starting back running again exc . It’s time . This break isn’t me . It’s ruining me emotionally . Now we’re stuck inside but it’s a good time to follow my diet and run every day

I have a trainer I’m lifting 6 days a week my goal is to have my waist at 27 by January and my thighs at 20. I will fight for this goal run for this goal . I will win for this goal and fight like I never have before be fitter then I ever have :

I’m listening to Swing Life Away by Rise Against. I decided to insert a blog post in my fit journey. The journey it’s self has nothing to do with fitness to me. It’s about beating out your enemy your own mind . I worked hard to get this far and I’m building value within myself. The crowd says Amy I don’t see a difference, Amy your fat, Amy your legs are chubby, Amy your a project. It’s funny when your building yourself up there is a crowd tearing you down. But guess what I look at my progress pics and I’m proud of how far I’ve come and I don’t give one damn about the haters the gossipers, it’s almost funny when people are so mean it’s sad. I’m here to say if I can be the girl who turned the lights out to not look into the mirror a girl who hated herself who found the courage to over come my Demons and know I’m ok not because the crowd says I do or don’t but because I say so . Not to mention God says so ! I am a healthier braver person. You can do it to - picture before and after l...

I remember last year I did whatever it took to cover my body up and now I don’t care what I wear but I still feel the same fat ha ha I guess I’m never happy but that’s what keeps me going and that’s just me I realize that’s what separates me from most people I’m a beast and maybe I’m not at my max goal but at least I never give up and at least I never ever give up on myself and I am true to my word how many people do you know like this ? I’m loyal to everyone and to myself . I’m a special person and I will only allow special people in my life I’m tigers blood I’m rare and I’m God’s child . Amen

Yes it’s scientific you can die from a broken heart . Did you know we store emotions in our muscles and bones ? Not only is this scientifically true it’s also in the Bible. I remember when I was training for a fitness competition the harder I worked with my trainer I would cry sometimes not due to physical pain but the emotional pain buried that was physically being worked out . That’s why it’s good to excersise interesting right ? Last night I had an awful seizure all I can say is if you can imagine feeling the worst over dose this is how my seizure felt . Will I always survive them? I think stress has a lot to do with it . A man at my work told me , Amy I’ve never met a more beautiful cool Kind hearted woman that so many bad things happen to you makes no sense . It makes no sense to me . I get hit on like crazy but the one man I loved could careless I was alive. This began to effect me last night as it does many days . I can’t make sense of this persons crazy actions it haunts me th...

Is he cold or not loving he is playing out childhood wounds he has not gotten help for ? And we put up with it because we were mistreated as children looking for some kind of love? I know I was with an unavailable emotional person. Have you?Here is the answers you need !  Why You’re Still Attracting Unavailable Partners (And How To Stop) By Shelly Bullard Photo: Stocksy This post is part of a series by Shelly Bullard  — a primer on raising your vibration and attracting your soul mate. For the next five days, we’ll post one article offering the foundational elements you need to go deeper in the search for self love, and the love of your life. When you’re ready to take the next step, check out Shelly’s course:   How To Attract A Partner Who’s Ready For Deep, Devoted Love . One of the most common relationship issues is getting stuck in a pattern of choosing unavailable partners. How do you know if that applies to you? If you're attract...

Some days most days I’m ok . Think like a champion I tell myself . Champions don’t feed their body junk champions don’t miss work outs. You can’t be what you want to be if you don’t assume the role. You have to keep the end in mind to reach your goals . Then I have those sad days in my head in the slump why is he gone why did this happen and I get sad I get lost I lose focus I miss a run I eat a something and I get back up again and slap myself . How do I stay away from those moments I don’t think you can it’s kind of like intermittent pain . It just has to work it’s self out as I pray read my bible and keep going . Don’t lose faith . If I can do it so you can you .

I don’t care who you are scientifically as someone who is sick with epilepsy can tell you ketosis is good for your body . It’s not a fake fad or a thing that’s made up it actually heals seizures it heals the way your brain functions . So anyone including trainers or doctors tells the claims are false there full of bullshit . Ketosis puts you in a fat burning state instead of a glucose burning state when your body changes , my body stops seizing not because Keto is a fad but because it’s science . It’s the healing diet for sick children who can’t control their seizures as well . I don’t eat ungodly amounts of fat . I don’t restrict myself or eat bad fats it’s a healthy way of life that does not include processed white flour or bad carbs or at least over 50 grams a day . I eat as many veggies as I like , lean proteins and get my fats from eggs , avocado and healthy oils. My heart is in the 50-60 Instead of 80-90. My weight is 130 instead of 175-180 and I feel great . I do flexible dieti...

As I slide into 2019 I’m trying to become the victor not the victim of my circumstances. It’s ok to mourn and be angry or sad but ...... I also need to keep moving forward into a healthy mind frame because my joy can’t be based on my circumstances . Isn’t that why my ex was depressed if we are victims to Circumstances than our life and our moods will change like the seasons. We must be survivors basing our joy from within and on the solid foundation of God . Not on people places or things  or we will forever be trying to fill a void that can never be filled we will always be feeling broken and depressed we will always be chasing things or the next best thing to feel better when really we will just keep feeling worse . Here I am choosing to be a survivor . He didn’t chose to be one with me . I will always pray for him from a far but I can’t keep blaming myself . Monday I start with a trainer not any trainer a trainer who trains athletes and models he specializes in training your cor...